Monday, March 21, 2011

I am not a badass.

I have a tendency of acting like a badass.
As if I am unbreakable or unstoppable.
And in many ways that is so true for me.
BECAUSE I had to be to get through some cards I was dealt.
But a true 'beat your ass' badass I am not.
I do push myself & make myself reach for the unreachable.
I create positive for myself.
I speak positive as often as possible.
I do believe speaking & believing it makes it happen.
You can't walk around in this world & just let bad things happen.
You have to go after what you want & get them.
They don't just walk up to you & say here I am for your taking.
I learned that in a hard lesson ... but I learned.
Right now I am in a funk of sorts.
I don't really even fucking know why.
Thats that shitter of it.
I have been dealing with some things with my daughter ... which have actually gotten much better since her medication was changed.
But other than that I have a great life, great kids and a man that supports me in all my crazy tangents.  I could tell him tomorrow I wanted to quit my job & be a clown & he would hate it but support me.
But I still have hit this damn funk.
My creativity is suffering.
My spunk in general is suffering.
But I will find it again. 
Who the hell knows ... but I will find my badass & we will come back!

1 comment:

  1. Believe me when I say -- you are not alone! Whatever you are struggling with is not being helped by this drab and dreary winter we had...But I am right there with you! My personal struggle is a collective pile of things such as serious work burnout resulting from overworked and underplayed...personal and financial upheaval forcing relocation from FL back to OK...But, I personally believe that everything happens for a reason. We may not like where we are at the moment, but, in the broad scope, it has to happen to get us to where we need to be. I can assure you this -- we WILL find ourselves again...we WILL smile in the sunshine and dance in the rain...we WILL overcome and claim victory over our current struggles...and we WILL look back on this day and smile because we made it through.