Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Just One of Those Days ....

I must say I am pretty damn lucky.  Very rarely do I have one of those days.  But when I do it makes up for my great days.

So since I can now laugh about my dumbass I will share my shitty day with YOU.

Everyday I get up early - I don't have to be at work until 8:30 but I still get up at the latest at 6am.  Because I need all that time for my baddass rocker hair like I did when I was in high school?  No.  Because I drive like an hour to work? No it is an amazing like 2 mile drive.  I get up that early because I am old I think.  Ok shut up.  I am not really old ... I am really hip young chic!  

Oh  yea my day.  So I got up & did my John Cena kind of workout on my bowflex  (note to self: must have guns before I go see Tammy) which always starts my day off great.  I love working out.  Then off to shower & get ready for work so I have time to play with metal & fire before heading out to my day. 

I had started my great wonderful car without a payment so I could take my oldest two kids down to the bus ... when I got back I decided to leave my truck running so it would get all the frost off my window by the time I left - well because it is a wonderful car without a payment or a heater

So off I go in the house.  I was pretty much ready to go & my son was at his dad's house so I had the rest of the morning to play with fire & metal.  I turned the radio up louder & my muse & I began to dance.

Now anytime I can go out to my desk before work & play well with my muse it is normally going to be a great day.

But not yesterday.

Oh hell it was time to put down the torch & head out.  I still had a few minutes but if I didn't stop where I was I knew I would push it too far & be late to work.  So out the door I go ....

Now to give a little history on my wonderful car without a payment.  I sold my most awesome MONSTER truck ever because I thought I was getting to old to be sporting around in a MONSTER such as she was ... shut up I am NOT old!  When I sold her I rushed into buying another vehicle - like I knew better than to do!!  So current wonderful car without a payment does not go completely into park sometimes ... ok wait it didn't go completely into park as it should but currently it doesn't go into park at all ... the emergency brake is a must.  So it slips itself into reverse as it pleases (I think it is haunted)  (OK OK hell not really but it sounds good).  Well when this wonderful car without a payment slips itself into reverse it kicks the lock & LOCKS the doors.

So Yep there I go to work ... or not. 

Oh yea & as if that wasn't enough wrong with (ok won't say it again) that car ... the window on a normal basis will not go onto the track.  I have my handy dandy BancFirst pen in there to keep the window from falling down. 

But of course BEHOLD this window for the first time since it belong to me is on the track.  There is absolutely NO pushing it down.  Even the crowbar was not budging this window.  I did consider busting the window. 

So here is the deal ... I cannot call in ... I have already used what I can for now.  I have vacation, holiday .. .blah blah blah ... but I will lose my job I love so much if I call in. 

Here I sit in tears ready to push this running vehicle that I cannot get into in the pond. 

My solution?  Simple!

I call my boss, she comes & gets me - I leave my favorite vehicle ever running in my driveway & I walk away ...

Now it sits out of gas, battery dead, keys inside ...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

When she was born things I knew she was going to be head strong.   She is an amazing  child but head strong does not even begin to describe the child.

I remember when she was still a little bitty thing & I was breast feeding her I always felt like she was starving.  The doctors said she was getting plenty of milk.  But it was never enough.  She was always still hungry.  Even at 8 months old I was still getting up in the middle of the night to feed her.  Doctors told me to let her cry she would go back to sleep  & learn not to get up in the middle of the night to eat. 

But I couldn't do that.  First off I lived in a small apartment complex where the walls were paper thin & I couldn't let her keep my neighbors & their baby up all night.  Besides she was hungry right?

Through the years she has been my tough one.  I remember her being around 8 months old & she would pull HANDFULLS of hair out of my older daughter's head & eat it.  She was a tough lil' girl.

She has always been one to take the heat too ... she would rather be hurt than let someone else.   Ahhh ... & another memory.   I had the girls in getting shots.  My oldest had to get one but she didn't.  She is 3 years younger & she looked at me with the sweetest face & said 'Momma don't let her get a shot ... I will take it for her.'   To this day she will stand up for kids at school - which in turns causes the bully picking on someone to turn on her.  But that is her nature. 

Caring.  Loving.  Sweet.  Tough.

My daughter has seizures.  They have changed her so much.  She hates them.  Obvisouly.  She has become so insecure.  My beautiful daughter is hurting.

She also has a father who doesn't talk to her.  Doesn't spend time with her.  She is devasted about this.  Daily this hurts her.  She has started to really act out.  Dealing with it is soo hard.  I understand her ... but do not know how to help her.  I hurt daily for her.

I am working on helping her build an outlet for her anger.  She is also a very creative soul.  She gets it from her momma.  I didn't have someone while I was growing up encouraging me to be the creative person that I am through & through.  Not that I blame anyone or have hard feelings.  My parents just didn't get it.  My parents = not creative.  (Sorry parents)  But I do get it.  It is an amazing thing to hear your muse sing loudly in your ear & watch what you & your hands create.  My daughter has this in her.  She is going to be one amazing artist one day.  Because I am going to encourage her to be what she loves to be.  I am going to help her build on the talent she has naturally.  I am going to be her teacher.

I am going to love this child of mine.  AND I am going to help her get through all of her hard times & help her create good happy times for her. 

Because I love her.

Friday, January 21, 2011

I am not a fighter but I am tough ...

I do not believe myself to be a figther.  A shit stirrer.  A constantly mad person.

I see happy days most days.  I have a lot of things that make me smile.  I love smiling & seeing the great in things.

BUT  do not piss me off.  I put just as much heat & soul into things that truly piss me off as I do in my happy life.   The whole fighter in my becomes all that I am in a split second.  And I will get my ass kicked making my point if I feel strong enough about something.

What exactly has me thinking about this?  My kids.  My kids dreams.  My kids feelings.  Protecting my kids.

I could careless who or what my ex husband does.  AS LONG as it does not hurt my kids.  But it seems most of what he does does just that ... hurts my kids.  I can't imagine sitting next to the man I love & hearing him call my child a bitch & then defending him for it.  I can't imagine letting my child decide that they are mad at me & not come to see me but me not fight for her to.  I can't imagine living with a person that sits in my childs face & laughs when she has a seizure.  I can't imagine being with a person who is fully responsible for crushing the dream that my child has had since I can remember with their stupid words.  I just can't imagine hurting my kids like this.  And I just can't imagine as their mother that loves them with every ounce of my soul not wanting to fight for them.  Beat the persons ass that put those words out there that have hurt my children. 

So no ... I am not a fighter ... But I am tough ... And most of all I am a mother that truly loves her children.

So just don't.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Year Of Jewelry Project 2011

As soon as I heard about this project I knew I had to do it.  

Basically you commit to making a piece of jewelry a week.  We are given themes to go on.  You don't have to go with the theme - but I think I will - I like the challenge of it.  Then we share our pieces each week.  I will share each piece I do for this here for you all to see ... but you are welcome to stop by & watch everyone's progress.

Here are the pieces I have done so far ....
Week 1 - New Beginnings
I know the thought here was probley along the lines of a new year etc .... but for me I think of spring, new life, new growth.  So I went with this.

Week 2: Eclipse
I went kind of realistic with this one ...

Week 3: Mixed Media -
Well I do mostly metal.  I don't branch out to far from that .. so I went safe on this one but did add some beads!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

40 by 40 - This Could Easily Become a Favorite!

I have always been a sucker for a challenge ... but this one I am super excited about.   We all have things we really want to do before our time right?   I can't even count the times I have said I want to do that someday. 

When I read this challege I knew I had to take it!  I am positive this will take some thinking ... hell I could think of it if I wasn't trying right! 

I want to thank Shelly for being an inspiration & always being a positive motivation!

So since I will be 40 (oh shut up ... I can hear my brats voice now ... see mom I told you you were old)  on August 17, 2013.  So I have three ... two & half years to try & accomplish my items on my list. 

In no specific order ... just the order I could pull them out of my lil' brain.

1.  Take a quilting class.
2.  Quit smoking COMPLETELY.
3.  Have a figure I am proud of & stop hiding behind my clothes.
4.  Get a tattoo with my mother.
5.  Have my own deer head hanging on my wall.
6.  Marry my best friend.
7.  Go noodling.
8.  Go to an OU vs Texas game with Jeff, Teresa & Billy.
9.  Become successful with my jewelry creations.
10.  Paint the barn window/door from my the barn my Papa built.
11.  Play in a Texas Hold 'Em tournament.
12.  Drive a motorcycle.
13.  Learn how to make spinner rings.
14.  Have beautiful arms .. the kind that aren't big body builder arms but very nicely shaped.
15.  Take family pictures with my kids. 
16.  Make my grandmother a rosary.
17.  Buy an amazing camera & take amazing pictures.
18.  Go see my sister in Yellowstone.
19.  Put a small fountain pond in my flowerbed. 
20.  Build a greenhouse. 
21.  Get a piercing.
22.  Learn how to make an amazing Tuna Steak encrusted with Seasame Seed on the grill.
23.  Start selling jewelry supplies in my shoppes. 
24.  Learn etching for jewelry.
25.  Take my children on a week long summer vacation.
26.  Fish in a fishing tournament.
27.  Build an entertainment center for my living room. 
28.  Be a top salesman for the month at work.
29.  Go on a vacation with just my honey.   
30.  Buy a new TV for the living room.
31.  Finish my living room curtains.
32.  Finish an afgan.
33.  Get my daughter's horse broke. 
34.  Actually build a following on my blog (lol)
35.  I am getting old & can't come up with anything else. 
36.  I think I will give it up.
37.  Besides I really only 2.5 yrs to complete this list. 
38.  I have seriously been trying to think of 40 things for like days ...
39.  Did I mention I would love being a famous jewlery designer by the age of 40?
40.  And not working outside the house - but for myself.

Whew ... I did it!  
Ok shut up - I know I sucked at this ... but it was fun anyway.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Band Back Together

I have this favorite blog.
Mommy Wants Vodka
I know kind of fitting right?
I don't think it is the Vodka part
Since I am more of a beer kind of girl.
I think it is the honesty
The pure 'Shut Your Whore Mouth' honesty of it.
Oh & that little thing Aunt Becky & I have in common -
The 'F' word is the most amazing word in the history of words.

But another thing I love about Aunt Becky...
She not only says whats on her mind
The most blunt way possible.
She also says the important things.
She has a heart the size of elephant balls (which I just assume would be BIG)
Going through things in life that are her own
have led her to want to help other people.
Put a place on the internet for us (yes you & I) to go put it out there.
Those things we would rather not talk about.

Like the fact that my daughter has seizures.
Not something I really want to think about.
And for only the simple fact that as mentioned many times:
I have perfect amazing well mannered children.
All 50 of them.
(ok thats my kids X's ten - but really they feel like 50)

So go support Aunt Becky's new 'Band'
Go be a part of supporting others that have been there with you.
Whether it be from an abusive family past
Or a child that didn't deserve what was handed to them.

Also if you just want to get to know Aunt Becky a little
Here -

I haven't yet
I will be sharing my story when I am ready.
I am so Band Back Together material!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year - New Goals.

New Year's Day.
It's been a quiet one.

I haven't worked on jewelry at all today.
Well my mind has.
But my hands haven't.
I wake up sometimes with my mind working on ideas.

I have simply enjoyed my family.
Time with my kids.
My honey, mother & SIL.

While I have not spent any time working today
As before mentioned-
My mind has.
Not only ideas for designs,
But also thinking about the side of this that I don't know a ton about.

What I 'do' is run my own business.
Is it a store that has 'business' hours
One that I go to everyday?

It's a thing I do.
I create pieces of art.
Art that you wear.
Art that I sale for a small profit so that I can make more.

So this year -
I want to learn more about the business side of what I do.
The part that will put me on the map.
Give me a reason to continue to design.

So now that I have ramble a bit -
Because I am writting & watching a movie -
But you get it -

I think I have a goal.