Tuesday, January 25, 2011

When she was born things I knew she was going to be head strong.   She is an amazing  child but head strong does not even begin to describe the child.

I remember when she was still a little bitty thing & I was breast feeding her I always felt like she was starving.  The doctors said she was getting plenty of milk.  But it was never enough.  She was always still hungry.  Even at 8 months old I was still getting up in the middle of the night to feed her.  Doctors told me to let her cry she would go back to sleep  & learn not to get up in the middle of the night to eat. 

But I couldn't do that.  First off I lived in a small apartment complex where the walls were paper thin & I couldn't let her keep my neighbors & their baby up all night.  Besides she was hungry right?

Through the years she has been my tough one.  I remember her being around 8 months old & she would pull HANDFULLS of hair out of my older daughter's head & eat it.  She was a tough lil' girl.

She has always been one to take the heat too ... she would rather be hurt than let someone else.   Ahhh ... & another memory.   I had the girls in getting shots.  My oldest had to get one but she didn't.  She is 3 years younger & she looked at me with the sweetest face & said 'Momma don't let her get a shot ... I will take it for her.'   To this day she will stand up for kids at school - which in turns causes the bully picking on someone to turn on her.  But that is her nature. 

Caring.  Loving.  Sweet.  Tough.

My daughter has seizures.  They have changed her so much.  She hates them.  Obvisouly.  She has become so insecure.  My beautiful daughter is hurting.

She also has a father who doesn't talk to her.  Doesn't spend time with her.  She is devasted about this.  Daily this hurts her.  She has started to really act out.  Dealing with it is soo hard.  I understand her ... but do not know how to help her.  I hurt daily for her.

I am working on helping her build an outlet for her anger.  She is also a very creative soul.  She gets it from her momma.  I didn't have someone while I was growing up encouraging me to be the creative person that I am through & through.  Not that I blame anyone or have hard feelings.  My parents just didn't get it.  My parents = not creative.  (Sorry parents)  But I do get it.  It is an amazing thing to hear your muse sing loudly in your ear & watch what you & your hands create.  My daughter has this in her.  She is going to be one amazing artist one day.  Because I am going to encourage her to be what she loves to be.  I am going to help her build on the talent she has naturally.  I am going to be her teacher.

I am going to love this child of mine.  AND I am going to help her get through all of her hard times & help her create good happy times for her. 

Because I love her.


  1. Vanessa, I have dealt with challenging issues with all 3 of my children. I've also had to do alot of work on me....and changing the way I was dealing with the problems at hand. I have stuck by all 3 of mine through hell and high is getting help, one is in a good place, and one i love but to death but she doesn't take care of herself and that takes a toll on the whole family. Their x has not been helpful or healthy in dealing with any of this.....just a big dunce! Weve done all we it's in God's hands...I'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers and hope things get better for you both. Being a Mom is the toughest job I've ever had to do! ♥Sue

  2. She and Ashleigh are a lot the same in the 'sperm donor' area.

    I know that it affects Ashleigh a great deal. Even though she would never let on about it. She knows what kind of man that he is, and truly doesn't want anything to do with him, but of course it bothers her deep down.

    She and I have a pretty open and honest relationship, but this she doesn't like to talk about. She holds it in, gets mad, and we have a huge blow ups.

    I decided to buy a big spiral notebook and have it be 'our' journal. One of the things that I have always held onto throughout the years is a box of my old journals. Like you, I never had support or anyone to listen so I wrote. I wrote a lot. I have encouraged this in her because she is a good writer.

    The journal between the 2 of us has worked a lot. She will write a few lines or even a few pages to me. She even has sometimes put at the end that she didn't want me to respond back, but she had to get it out.

    I hate this for both of them. For what we have all been through we are amazing Mothers, and all we can do is take it one day at a time.

    I know it is hard, and I love you...

  3. Sister - I know things can be tough with everything that is going on and there really isn't any advice that I can give. However, I can say that I love you both dearly and if y'all need anything, give me a call.